Justification: Burden to Acceptance
by TK Styles
Summary: A journal entry by Justin set after PRiS. R/R. Peace.


Hmm, I'm not sure how to begin this or why I am even writing this.  I have never been one to write a journal, but I guess I felt a need to write about some events that have happened in my past.  Specifically, my time as a Power Ranger.  

I wasn't what one would see as a Ranger.  I know I was the youngest, at a mere twelve.  How I came to be a Ranger is easy for me to remember.  My older friend Rocky, who was really like a big brother to me, hurt his back.  I found out he was a Power Ranger then because his friends had to go on a mission with new powers and everything, but he was too hurt to go.  So, Rocky chose me to go in his place.  I was really the only one around on such short notice.  Like any child the thought of being a hero was exciting to me.  

I don't remember much of what happened after I first morphed (get to why later), but I do remember we saved two former Rangers.  After we got from that mission I was a little shocked that Rocky didn't take the powers back.  I really only thought I would be a stand in until he healed, to this day I don't really know why he let me keep them.  I never asked, I just sank into it and tried to be the best Ranger I could be.  

But I didn't have to have a high IQ to tell that Tommy, Kat and the others sometimes felt I was an extra, added burden.  I mean I was a kid, which automatically made me the bad guys' first target. 

My feelings of inadequacy eased a little when the torch was passed; I guess I was allowed to keep my powers that time so I could guide T.J. and the rest.  Still, I think it had to be to be weird working with a ranger who was really a child when demorphed. 

All the shrinking and growing? Heck, that part was weird to me.  I didn't expect that the first time I morphed. I thought I would get a costume that was child size, not that I would be made the costume's size.  I think the best way to describe it was instant puberty, which is why I don't remember much of the first mission.  All the hormones and new feelings hitting me at once were a little hard to take.  

The next mission was better, but then I was faced with another problem: seeing Kat and Tanya in spandex.  Can a person get any more weirded out?  Imagine being around girls you think of as your older sisters and then in a blink of an eye you find yourself attracted to them.  Oh, the torturous dreams I had some nights, but at least with them I had the feelings of them as sisters to keep those dreams at bay.  When Ashley and Cassie came along those dreams seemed to taunt me because I didn't know them well enough before my Ranger days to see them as sisters. I never told any of the other Rangers, didn't want to appear childish to them.  The hormones and feelings sometimes nearly drove me crazy, but a new more important matter soon came to the forefront to take my mind off of those things.  

It seems there is a more important reason a child should not hold the powers beside the hormonal overload.  It began a couple of weeks before the passing of the torch. I had just demorphed one day when a slight internal pain came over me.  I shrugged it off as just from the battle that day.  Over time the pain got worse, but it only happened after I demorphed and after a period of time it would pass.  I finally talked to Demetria and Alpha 6, and they ran some tests on me. I guess it really worried them because Demetria didn't even speak in questions.  I begged them not to tell the other Rangers and they relented but she did say she was going to send the test results to an ex-Ranger on Aquitar named Billy to see if he could figure out what was wrong.  I fought on. I became good at faking through the pain.  Some time before Demetria and Alpha left to help Zordon, I got word back from Billy. 

It wasn't good news.  

He told me the powers were taking a toll on my body.  He explained it as a rubber band that was being stretched and popped back into place.  At first I was only being stretched a little, but each time I morphed I was being stretched just a little bit more. He said that there would come a time where the powers could either seriously injure me, or possibly kill me. He told me he would try to work on a cure for it but that it might take awhile. I was going to tell the others, but then Divatox attacked us full force.  After Divatox left and the others were going to chase them into space, I decided I wouldn't tell them, I just would stay behind.

I started a new life with my dad.  And I got a message from Billy.  He had been able to create a serum that would stem the effects morphing would have on me until my body could take it.  It wasn't perfect: I would still feel some pain if I ever morphed before I was matured enough, but I wasn't at risk for serious injury or death.  That was good because a few weeks later, I got pulled back into using the powers.  

I met my old friends, now called the Space Rangers, and their new leader Andros. I hadn't seen them since the chase into space.  I was sad and a little ashamed that I hadn't tried to contact them earlier.  The reunion was good, but the news was bad.  Zordon had been kidnapped.  

I was thinking of joining them, but I had my new life. So, I stayed behind once again.  But when the Countdown to Destruction came, I joined up with Tommy, Adam, and many of the ex-Rangers in trying to help. The Space Rangers fought the main forces.  Most of the ex-Rangers didn't have powers, but Tommy, Adam, Rocky, Kat, and Tanya still had their Zeo powers.

After Zordon's death and the wave that followed it, all of the old Ranger powers were fixed.  We all decided that we would keep in touch in case we ever had to band together again. Although, I wonder how Technicolor Tommy is handling holding the Red Zeo powers and the White Ranger powers. He even told us that he found the Green power coin.  He told us he tested it and it worked fine too.  Tommy's a better person than I am; I don't think I could take being the protector of that many powers.  

Billy returned to earth after the Countdown. His wife Cestria had been killed in one of the battles.  So now he, Trini (who I also met during Countdown), Adam, and I have been working to see if there is a way to combine some of the powers together, even if for a little while, since many ex-Rangers have the morphers for more than one type of power now.  It has been fun working with them and I have learned more about being a Ranger and the early Ranger days.  I think the meetings were a comfort to Billy in the beginning too.  If I'm right, then I am glad for whatever part I may have played.  He more than likely saved my life and for that I will always be grateful.  

That was all years ago. I no longer have to take that serum or worry about any adverse side effects should I morph.  Well that's all I have to say, except I'm glad I took Billy's advice. Getting all these thoughts down on paper does make me feel better.  I guess I'll have to do this more often now.  ~Justin 


End file.
